I Call Bullshit

Some thoughts on Social Media, aka "Get off my lawn!"

Sometime back in the Pleistocene (y'know, six, seven years ago) I was on most Social Media, including Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Facebook was the first to go. Even before the arrival of the Orange Russian Wig Stand I felt it was devolving into a major political and social boxing ring. I was as guilty of fanning the flames as anyone else, and what finally caused me to step aside, do some self-examination and finally close my account was a comment left on my wall by the cute barista who worked at the Starbucks by our apartment that said, "Why don't you ever post anything positive?"

Facebook was like heroin (or at least what I imagine heroin must be like). I was constantly looking for my next fix, and the withdrawal was just as painful. Zuckerberg knows that. That's why your account isn't immediately closed. He knows there's a better than average chance you'll relapse and come crawling back for your next high.

It was months before I could honestly say I no longer had the urge to click that icon and reopen my account. I breathed a sigh of relief when the thing had finally been deleted.

I'm now in pretty much the same ready-to-quit mood with Twitter as I was with FaceBook. Twitter (at least when I first joined in 2008) used to be fun, but lately it's turned into a feculent vat of toxic hell stew thanks to the 2016 election.

Are there still islands of something nice, something fun? Yeah (check out Myrna Tellingheusen and the other residents of the fictitious Vaca Muerta Estates for a good time), but mostly now it's just two tribes lobbing venomous grenades at each other and an open sewer of nothing but horrific news and outrage.

I've reached the point where I can stand to be on it a couple minutes at most every other day (mostly to catch up with Vaca Muerta and some tech news), but after ten years I'm thinking of shuttering my online presence there as well.

The only remaining social media that I still enjoy and spend way too much time on is Instagram. Maybe it's because I fancy myself an adequately artistic photographer or perhaps it's just because I'm a visual person. Either way, I still enjoy the platform. Yes, even it is getting politicized to a degree, although at the moment its remaining fairly civil. (Where do you think I find the anti-trump memes, anyway?)

But what's annoying me about Instagram is how it's spawned a whole new generation of people who fancy themselves famous for simply being on the platform. "Instagram Models" is apparently a new profession. Along with "influencers." Influencers of what? Do you think because you're 20 years old, have six-pack abs and judging from your photos—apparently can't get your hands on a single shirt anywhere in the world you go—you're are going to influence…what, exactly? What are you influencing beyond furthering  the rampant narcissism that's consuming our culture? Do you really think people are going to buy the same brand of jockstrap you're wearing because you're posing on a beach in Mykonos?

Someone brought this up the other day by not-so-ironically posting on Instagram, "Public Figure: two words guaranteed to get you removed from my followers. Who decides that they're a public figure, and why? Sorry, take your self importance somewhere else."

I responded, "Add to that  "influencer" along with "Instagram Model," aka I don't have a real job but I'm (at least temporarily) pretty and whore myself out to rich sugar daddies just enough to travel the world and take (primarily shirtless) selfies."

But do I follow these men and enjoy looking at their shirtless selfies? Of course I do. They're pretty. And as long as I can ignore their self-importance I can enjoy that. Do they influence me? Not one whit. Am I being shallow? Possibly, if not probably. As I joke, "My Instagram feed consists of bears, vinyl collectors, drag queens, d-list celebrities, and men who don't seem to own a single shirt among the lot of them."

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