Voenix Rising

So. Many. Daddy. Issues.

he striking thing about the Donnyverse is how everyone in it totally fucking sucks.

at the top, you’ve got evil shit-kazoos like the piss-drunk Christofascist warmonger, the whale-head-chainsawing maniac who swims in raw sewage, and of course, the One Stinky Diaperload to Rule Them All.

but wait, there’s more: orbiting these fascist fucknuts are hundreds of fanatical cultists who will do anything to please Dear Leader.

here’s one of them. folks, I want you to meet Natalie Harp.

you know those infantile, fucked-up memes that will show up by the dozenson Donny’s crappy app in the middle of the night? that’s the creepy hand of Natalie Harp at work.

Most nights, the president fires off dozens of posts attacking his political enemies, amplifying conspiracy theories, spreading AI-slop videos and images, and boosting offensive content from obscure MAGA accounts on X and his own Truth Social platform.

But despite the odd hours, Trump isn’t doing it all alone, according to a new report in the Wall Street Journal.

His executive assistant Natalie Harp is the driving force behind some of his most incendiary content, including a racist video that depicted Barack and Michelle Obama as apes, and an AI-generated image of Trump as Jesus Christ, both of which Trump later took down.

that’s right, all those racist and misogynistic memes, all the Q-Anon batshit, all the Donny-as-Jesus AI slop — it’s Natalie who finds that twaddle and shows it to the big guy, because that’s her job: to keep Dear Leader stupid and happy.

Harp’s official title is Executive Assistant, but her unofficial title is The Human Printer, because she walks around — I shit you not — with a wireless printer, which she’ll use at a moment’s notice to show Donny all the dumb-ass shit she’s found on the internet.

any time Dear Leader is sundowning, or rage-spiraling, or just drooling uncontrollably while staring off into to space, it’s Natalie who hands him a printout of Barack the Ape, at which point Donny goes ‘hrr hrr hrr’ and his mood brightens. he finds that shit hilarious, and it calms him down.

once again, it’s just so eternally embarrassing. can you think of any other country on the planet whose leader is such a colicky toddler that they need to be rage-managed with internet-sourced dumbfuckery?

no, of course you can’t. only in America. we’re number one — when it comes to certifiably insane heads of state.

where does Donny find these people? well in, Natalie’s case, she’s been by Dear Leader’s side for years — ever since 2019, when he saw her on Fox News (because of course he did), where she was making a speech in which she claimed Donny cured her cancer.

it’s at this point that I should probably mention that Natalie Harp is every bit as bugfuck nuts as Donny is.

I did warn you that everyone in the Donnyverse totally fucking sucks.

Harp flew under our radar for years, but back in April 2024, when Donny was on trial for being a fraudulent fuck-knuckle, reporters noticed a woman — toting that famous portable printer — who was following him around.

that, my friends, was our first introduction to Natalie Harp.

Her name is Natalie Harp, a former One America News anchor who joined Trump’s communications team in March 2022. According to reporting that year by the Washington Post, Harp would even accompany the former reality TV host on golf trips in a cart “equipped with a laptop and sometimes a printer to show him uplifting news articles, online posts, or other materials.”

oh my god, she even follows Donny around the golf course — in her own specially-outfitted happy-printout cart.

so, that’s a perfectly normal thing, right? seriously, how fucking broken-inside do you have to be to require that kind of nonstop positive affirmation? this big, strong woman, tears in her eyes, actually travels with Donny while he’s cheating at golf, and goes ‘sir! sir! look at the nice thing catturd said about you on twitter! sir!’

Donny’s handlers are royally pissed off at Harp right now, because she’s fucking up their shit. her job may be to mollify Dear Leader, but theirjob is to hide his crazypants dementia from the world — and that’s a thing that gets harder and harder to do when she’s out here helping Donny to post fifty or more batshit memes in the middle of the night. oh, did I mention that Donny’s given her access to his Truth Social login? perfectly normal stuff.

the only thing all that late-night crazypants posting accomplishes is to remind the entire world that Donny is an out-of-control lunatic with no filters — but Natalie’s brain is too MAGA-pickled to realize she’s doing him no favors.

it also doesn’t help that Harp is apparently just as racist as Donny — nor does it help when half the shit she shows him can be traced by to Nazi accounts on twitter.

Donny’s inner circle has been begging Natalie to at least run this stuff by them before she and Donny put it all online, but she’s all ‘nuh-uh, I can do whatever I want, because Donny says I’m special.’

The frustration lies partly in the perceived chain of command: Harp does not share her drafts with anyone else in the White House but the president, claiming that she works for him and only him, reported the Journal.

Donny’s minders want this woman outta here, but don’t expect Dear Leader to shitcan her any time soon, because — trigger warning: be prepared to be nauseated.

Mr. Trump has dismissed concerns about Ms. Harp, whom he calls “sweetie” and treats like a daughter, according to people close to him.

first of all, ew.

and second of all, ewwwwwww.

does ‘treats like a daughter’ mean that Donny wants to quote-unquote ‘date’her — if that’s what we’re charitably calling it — and is constantly trying to grope her?

now get ready to crank the ‘ewww’ dial so far past 11 that it snaps off in your hand — because honestly, Natalie sounds like a creepy fucking stalker.

In 2023, Ms. Harp sent a series of letters to Mr. Trump that unnerved people around him, according to a half-dozen people with knowledge of them.

“You are all that matters to me,” she wrote in one of the letters, which were seen by The New York Times. The letters’ authenticity was confirmed by two people with direct knowledge of them.

“I don’t ever want to let you down,” Ms. Harp wrote, thanking Mr. Trump for being her “Guardian and Protector in this Life.”

In another letter, she told Mr. Trump that she wanted to get back to “that synergy” she used to have with him, where “we’d talk about everything and nothing.”

“I want to bring you joy,” she wrote, “to feel like we can get through a day without ever having to talk ‘work.’”

what. in the. actual. fuck. no wonder Donny’s handlers want her gone. how many red flags did you find in that excerpt? if someone wrote letters like that to you, you’d be taking out a restraining order, not giving them a job.

Natalie Harp is just as fucking nuts as Donny, and she’s making him look every bit as deranged as he actually is. none of this helps Donny one bit.so why does he keep allowing this to happen? because she reminds him of Ivanka.

ew.

as I sit here writing this, Donny is aboard Fuckface Force One, jetting back home to America after a two-day visit to Beijing that accomplished exactly jack shit — but at least Donny did get to embarrass himself in front of the world, so there’s that.

Trump: “Chinese restaurants in America today outnumber the five largest fast foods in the United States all combined. That’s a pretty big statement.” pic.twitter.com/iUTfalRu56

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 14, 2026

“just as many Chinese now love— basketball and blue jeans. Chinese restaurants in America today outnumber the five largest fast food chains— in the United States, all combined. that’s a pretty big state.”

who wrote this drek, Natalie Harp?

Donny really is the Ugliest American. he knows nothing about the world. he knows nothing about foreign cultures — and he doesn’t want to know.

Donny’s bragging because we eat a lot of beef chow mein here in the US. so fucking what?

Donny’s impressed because the Chinese like baseball and jeans? what is this, 1983? China is eating our lunch, and leading the world in things like electric cars and renewable energy. China is so far ahead of us in the health and technology sectors that it isn’t funny — but do prattle on about food, Donny. way to focus on what’s important, you ginormous doughy pantload.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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