Like Cockroaches

Dear Out-of-State Indian Recruiters: Lest I be labeled racist for what I'm about to say, I want to make it clear that I do not work with any out-of-state employment agencies, not just yours. It has been my experience that it is a total waste of my time and resources when I can't go into a local office and actually meet the person representing me. I'm singling you out on this because—unlike all the other out-of-state agencies that have contacted me and have honored my requests to be ignored, you JUST. DON'T. GET. IT.

If I do not return your first, second, third or fourth call, that means I AM NOT INTERESTED in doing business with you. Maybe it's a cultural thing and you believe that pestering candidates will make them more inclined to want to work with you; I don't know. But generally when someone ignores your repeated phone calls and identical spam-like emails, any rational person would realize whoever you're trying to contact JUST ISN'T INTO YOU and you should STOP.

Cynet, CTI, Reveille, Fountain, K-Tec, VTech, Yochana, and especially Collabra, I'm talking to YOU.

I've tried responding with polite emails. I've tried responding with rude emails (and actually received one response telling me that I should go find Jesus—who I guess has wandered off again), yet nothing makes a difference save disabling my online job profiles—something I can't do while looking for work.

"Respond with 'REMOVE' in the subject to be taken out of our system." Yeah. Tried that. I'm starting to think it's just a confirmation that your stupid fucking email got through.

"Click here to be removed from our system." Yeah, tried that too. Again, seems to just be a confirmation for you of a live email addy.

Right now I have 151 blocked numbers on my phone for you jokers. (Four were added just in the time it's taken me to write this post.) I'm starting to wonder what the maximum number assigned to any one contact can actually be, since I've got to be getting close to that limit. I got smart a couple months ago and started noting (when you left messages that I could actually understand or were accompanied by emails) the company attached to the numbers instead of just filing them under "main," and it's been enlightening. No matter how many numbers for any of your companies are blocked, new ones constantly spring up—just like cockroaches.

It's bad enough that you simply do a word search instead of actually reading profiles before contacting people, but the worst offenders are those of you who send "as discussed" email job listings for NYC, or South Florida or East Bumfuck. Those are the ones that will get the rudest response from me. "WHEN, EXACTLY, WAS THIS DISCUSSED AND WHERE ON ANY OF MY FUCKING ONLINE PROFILES DOES IT SAY WILLING TO RELOCATE? DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN!" (Usually in 24 point type.)

Maybe I should just start responding with "खुद मैथुन जाओ." Will that work?