From the Daily Kos (bolding mine):

The Connecticut Post, via Joe. My. God.:

A false fire alarm, 45-minute waits to get into the Capitol complex, even the heckling of a bereaved parent of a Newtown shooting victim marked Monday’s day-long legislative hearing on gun control.

“The Second Amendment!” was shouted by several gun enthusiasts in the meeting room as Neil Heslin, holding a photo of his 6-year-old son, Jesse Lewis, asked why Bushmaster assault-style weapons are allowed to be sold in the state.

I’m going to put “heckling the father of murdered six year old” right at the top of my updated list of signs that America can safely ignore you, or at least not give a single flying shit as to what supposed rights you think you have, but I do want to reiterate one point: For a sizable percentage of America’s most aggressive gun fetishists (not “enthusiasts,” please—there’s a difference between shooting as a hobby and stockpiling guns as your own personal anti-government, anti-society religion) the ability to quickly murder a classroom or two of elementary school kids isn’t a bug. It’s a feature.

This would be the prime argument of all the loons citing incipient “tyranny” as the reason they deserve guns, and all possible guns at that. If you’re claiming that you need your guns because you might need to murder members of the government (yes, that is what “fighting tyranny” comes down to, when you’re doing it with stockpiled ammunition), then the ability to murder a large number of people quickly is a prime feature. These aren’t people who mumble about needing high capacity, military style weaponry because today’s modern deer really need 30 or so shots pumped into them before they’ll stay down—they’re perfectly blunt about saying they need it because someday, there’s gonna be “tyranny,” and if they themselves wake up one morning and decide that “tyranny” has come they need to be able to go to their closet, arm up, and start killing people who think otherwise. Often, for some reason that most of the rest of us can’t even begin to parse, it’s couched in crackpot religious terms, often citing “prophesies” and other Jesus-sounding stuff as the reason why potential mass murder is, well, just around the corner.

That someone can easily dispatch a roomful or two of elementary school children, or college students, or theater-goers, or restaurant-goers with these same weapons is not seen by these people as something that needs fixing—at all. Yes, it’s sad that those particular people got murdered, but whether Americans have the God-given right to murder a large number of people quickly, and easily, if they feel the circumstances warrant it is something the tyranny fetishists will go to their graves, or your grave, or the local sheriff’s grave believing in.

The other tricky part of this is that (of course) the people most obsessed with defending themselves against government “tyranny” are the people who see “tyranny” in absolutely everything. The United Nations is coming for them; Barack Obama is a crazy Marxist; bicycle paths are a sign of the devil. The most unhinged people among us are the people who have volunteered themselves as the judges, juries, and executioners of any American government figures they’ve decided they don’t like—and those are the people that a large segment of our no-gun-regulations-ever crowd are catering to. Why? You could suppose the NRA, as obvious example, is merely acting as passthru for the manufacturer’s lobby, which makes a very sizable income off of crazy frightened people, or you could suppose them to be unironic believers in the tyranny theory of American proto-terrorists someday becoming American freedom fighters—but why does the we’d like to maybe someday be able to kill members of the government theory get so much mainstream love from supposedly mainstream sources?

It seems rather obvious that we could take all the arguments as to why one might need a 30-round clip because of potential tyranny and just flush that entire population from legitimate discussion. If tyranny does come to America, your little closet stockpile is not going to do a damn bit of good against the Air Force, and basing all our public safety decisions around your own little delusion that it might, someday, is not a very good reason for our continued enabling of frequent, convenient mass murder. So that seems a good first step: If you’re arguing that people need to be able to speedily murder other people because someday you and your little band of societal malcontents may want to murder the right people, the ones who really need murdering, all of the policymakers concerned with American public safety ought to write off your opinions on the matter from the outset. Then the rest of us can begin to have a discussion on guns in America that isn’t objectively, you know, insane.

Why Yes, Of Course…

…you can ignore the entire previous week’s worth of emails regarding the system changes that were scheduled to occur this past weekend because they were from I.T. (and email from I.T. always get ignored because you’re “too busy” anyway) and then bitch loudly when you arrive on Monday and lock yourself out of your account because “no one told you” this was happening.

I.T. is here for only one reason: to enable and encourage your ongoing stupidity, because, well, that’s what we have to do and if we called you the absolute fucking ignorant pampered assholes that you actually are to your faces, we’d get fired.


And yet Microsoft, in its infinite wisdom, isn’t lowering (or even extending their introductory price) of Windows 8, they’re raising it back to their ridiculous $199 price point next month.

I know we have absolutely no intention of upgrading at my workplace, and from what I’ve been reading, most sane I.T. departments aren’t touching it with a ten foot pole.

And speaking of work, I can’t tell you how many people there have told me they want or need to buy a new computer, but don’t want Windows 8. “What do I do?”

“Buy a Mac.”

Nom Nom Nom

Deep-Dish Chocolate Chip Cookie for One

Ingredients (1 serving)

  • 1 Tbsp unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • 1/2 Tbsp granulated sugar
  • 1/2 Tbsp packed light brown sugar
  • 1 Tbsp beaten egg (cover & chill remaining beaten egg for tomorrow’s cookie cup… you will be making another one!)
  • tiny splash pure vanilla extract
  • 2 1/2 Tbsp flour
  • 1/8 tsp baking soda
  • tiny pinch salt
  • heaping 1 Tbsp chocolate chips


In a small ramekin or microwavable cup, combine softened butter and both sugars; stir well with a spoon. Stir in beaten egg and vanilla extract. Stir in flour, baking soda, and salt just until combined. Stir in chocolate chips.

Microwave on high for 35-40 seconds. Let cookie rest at room temperature for about 10 seconds before devouring.

Get Off My Lawn!

“It was a fine speech, but I didn’t hear any conciliatory remarks. I didn’t see any specific reference like, ‘I reach out my hand to the other side of the aisle.’” ~ Senator John McCain, spewing projectile diarrhea—as usual—from his oral orifice today.

It’s been four years, dude. You lost. Let it go.

Oh, and John? One more thing: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Bizarre Fact of the Day

For those of you who aren’t veterinarians and don’t know this shit, did you know that birds cannot swallow without a gravity assist?

Yeah, they may be able to soar through the skies, but when it comes to swallowing, they’re pretty useless because they have none of the esophageal musculature that mammals have to actively push food down to the stomach.

Which raises the interesting question about dinosaurs…

That’s the reason NASA has never taken birds into space. No gravity, no swallowing.

This Reminds Me…

…of the nylon shorts that I used to wear to the pool when I was in my 20s. I’d cut the liner out and went commando. Those shorts got me into so much trouble.

I suspect these green shorts get the gentleman in the photo into just as much—if not more—trouble.

Or they ought to.

Just sayin’…

The Latest Edict from Human Resources

Apparently my company recently lost out on a acquiring a rather large client—that we were ill-equipped to take on in the first place—so the finger pointing has started. And instead of finding fault in themselves, the brain trust that runs this place has decided it is easier to blame the employees. Again. Quelle surprise.

As we begin 2013, we need your help in keeping the [Company Name] office organized, clean and clutter free.  Our overall message to clients, brokers and other visitors should be that we are a professional organization that operates efficiently, utilizing paperless technology where possible.  Please stop and take a look around your work area to make sure that the appearance of your area enforces this message.  Please focus on the following areas: 

  • As always, we continue to struggle to keep the carpets clean.  Due to the high cost of frequent carpet cleaning, we are requiring all employees to use a lid on drinks at all times.  [Company Name] provided covered insulated travel cups to all employees in 2012, please use the cups provided or another of your choice.  [You mean the one I received and promptly threw in the trash because I didn’t want any of your company swag?] Please immediately clean up any spills, there are carpet cleaning supplies located in the lunchroom and at the east end coffee bar.  Let HR know if there is a stain you are unable to remove by sending an e-mail to HR@[Company Name].
  • Please take down all holiday decorations. Holiday decorations should always be removed within a few days after the holiday. Birthday decorations should be removed by the following day.
  • Please remove all items and decorations from the windows in your cubicle or office.
  • Paper or other items covering the cubicle windows are not allowed unless placed there by HR/Facilities for special confidentiality needs.  Please have your supervisor contact HR if you have special confidentiality needs in your area.
  • While we very much support employees bringing a few personal items for their cubicles or offices, please look around your area and make sure that there are not excessive personal items, [You mean like that one late-middle-aged woman of color who has a shrine to Justin Bieber erected in her cube?] that your work area is professional in appearance, and that the appearance of your area is reasonably consistent with the areas around you.  Again, we want to present a professional, consistent appearance throughout the office. 
  • Please remove any items that are on the outside of your cubicle or office.
  • Please contact HR if you need a hook to use to hang your coat on the inside of your cubicle.  Coats and jackets should be hung either in a coat closet (in the front lobby) or inside your cubicle. [I’d like to see all 200+ employees hang their winter gear in that single, 5-foot-wide closet. Idiots.]
  • Please save documents electronically where possible, and only print documents when you cannot work from an electronic copy.  As soon as you have completed working from the hard copy, please file it or have it recycled or shredded (if it contains PHI) on a timely basis.  There should not be large quantities of paper in your work area that remain there for long periods of time.
  • Please do not remove chairs from the conference rooms at any time.  Contact HR if you need a chair for your office or cubicle.
  • If you need to bring extra chairs into offices or conference rooms for a large meeting, return them after your meeting
  • White boards in the conference rooms should be cleaned before participants leave any meetings.
  • Please let us know if you notice something is broken or not working by sending an e-mail to HR@[Company Name]. [Like the 2 of 3 microwave ovens in the break room that took nearly a month to replace after HR was notified?]

The management team will be doing a walk-through of the office at the end of February to ensure that the overall appearance is professional and consistent throughout.  Please make sure your work area is well-organized before the end of February, and please let HR or your supervisor know if you have additional questions. [Translation: the nuns will be doing a walk-through and be prepared to have your hands slapped with rulers if anything displeases them.]

First impressions are hard to change, we frequently have visitors and potential clients in the building, let’s make a great first impression!

Thank you.

To HR’s credit, there are perhaps a half dozen employees whose cubes look like they are used as vomitoriums for whatever the next holiday happens to be, and an equal number who have every available horizontal surface covered with personal crap, including the one with the aforementioned Justin Bieber shrine. There is also an admittedly small group of employees who feel it is their Constitutional right to wallpaper their cube walls with bible verses (which I personally find offensive, but because I’m an adult don’t make a stink over it), so I agree that this shit needs to go. But in regards to first impressions they seem to be so concerned about, I think it would actually make a better first impression on potential clients if the CEO didn’t show up to work every day (and I assume, to presentations to potential clients) reeking of alcohol from twenty feet away.