The “I’m Getting Old” Starter Pack

  • “This is way too sweet.”
  • “They’re remaking that movie already?”
  • “My back hurts.”
  • “Wait…people get mad about that now?”
  • “I can’t eat that, it’s gonna fuck my stomach up.”
  • “Hold on let me check my calendar first.”
  • “I need to buy a bigger pill box.”
  • Turns on radio. [groans]

Feel free to add your own in the comments!

#Truth

And of course, Michelle Gregg is a Christianist who refuses to accept any responsibility for her lack of attentiveness saying only, “God protected my child until the authorities were able to get to him…Accidents happen.”

No, bitch. BAD PARENTING HAPPENS.

If your invisible-friend-in-the-sky really wanted to protect your spawn, perhaps he/she/it wouldn’t have let the child into the enclosure in the first place.

Quote of the Day

He pulled the words right out of my mouth.

“People are increasingly lousy drivers—which I think goes hand in hand with people becoming increasingly lousy human beings.  America’s litigiousness is a reflection of a larger entitlement problem in this country—everyone thinks they’re oppressed, and acts accordingly.  And not oppressed in the civil rights way, but in the Republican way.  For Republicans, oppression is ‘not getting your way 100% of the time, to hell with how your desires impinge on the rights of others.’  It’s selfish.  And it’s destructive.

“It also doesn’t help that popular culture glorifies some of the worst dregs of society, that glorifies destruction—be it couples acting violently to each other on TV, or thugs being violent to their women, towards gays, and more.  The trash who go on Judge Judy or Jerry Springer come to mind.  Though Fox News and Limbaugh and the GOP play their part as well in teaching Americans to hate pro-actively.

“Starting around 2004, in the middle of the Bush years, I started to become increasingly concerned about the future of our country.  My concerns haven’t lessened nearly enough with the Obama years.  There’s a trashiness (and a meanness) to our culture, our politics, our driving, our health care system, and, more generally, the way we treat, and mistreat, each other.” ~ John Aravosis, AMERICAblog

The Truth Hurts

In its entirety from Ministry of Truth at The Great Orange Satan:

“If you LOVE Rush Limbaugh you probably suck to be around. Unhappy, unpleasant, racist, backwards, sexist, homophobic conspiracy theorists who hate hate hate and fear fear fear. At this point they should replace the elephant with Chicken Little.

Dear Conservatives, all of your ideas, when practiced, result in Epic Fail. Drill baby drill, BP Oil Spill. Let the banks get Too Big To Fail and police themselves, massive bank collapse. Teach abstinence only, teen pregnancies go up. Cut taxes for the rich while waging war, create a massive deficit. Trust me, I could go on. Your political philosophy is a joke, a tiresome reel of you as Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes, yet no matter how hard your ideas fail you insist that it is only your leaders who fail the ideas, so you have doubled down on stupid and insisted that by being really, really conservative, this time it’s going to work, seriously. Modern day conservatives are trying as hard as they can to bang a square peg through a round hole, but don’t even get me started on Marcus Bachmann.

It is not your conservative “family values” nonsense that you love to harp on that really matters, ask anyone who voted for Newt Gingrich this primary season. No, what binds the conservative movement at this point is hate, hate of government and socialism and liberals, Saul Alinsky and Reverend Wright and ACORN and Van Jones and whatever else they’ve been prattling on about on Fox News or Rush Limbaugh. Conservatives love it and hate everything else, which brings me to my main point, which is at this point, being a conservative isn’t a political philosophy, it’s a personality disorder.

I’ve tried, I’ve really really tried to reach out to conservatives and find areas where we can work together to fix the country, but we want different things. I want to make life better for the vast majority of Americans and fix our broken system and you want to let the Government of the State of Virginia shove things inside a woman’s vagina whether she wants you to or not while screaming about an out of control government. I just can’t take you anywhere.

So I’m not going to try to pretend that you don’t have this problem, Conservatives, because its’ your problem, not mine. You have a personality disorder. You treat people like shit, you don’t like any of my friends and all of your ideas suck for everyone but the wealthiest 1% and corporations. Frankly, it’s over. I’m leaving you, and I’m taking the kids with me.

All you have left is your die-hard wingnuts, the true-believers of the conspiracy theorists, crackpots, kooks, Fox News Viewers. Much like all of the advertisers fleeing the Rush Limbaugh show, your ship is sinking, and as you continue to alienate every growing demographic in an attempt to pander to your rabid, end of the world believing, xenophobic and backwards religiously extremist base please don’t let us stop you from desperately clinging to your “stay the course” joke of a platform because that’s pretty much all you have left.

So good luck in 2012, Conservatives! Keep on selling your factually incorrect ridiculousness to gullible low information voters and your ultra-right conspiracy theory riddled base. The only difference between a Conservative pundit and Wormtongue is that Sauron never had the lobbyists Bank of America can afford. I only wonder what you will tell yourself when you step on another rake again with your “I’m a real conservative” clown shoes on, I’m sure it will be some liberal conspiracy against poor defenseless you.

But let’s not pretend what is obvious to the rest of us, there are only two places in America where a bunch of sexually repressed white guys can be legitimized based off of their net worth alone in a place where women have no voice for their rights, and that’s at the Republican National Convention and a gay strip club, but then that takes us back to Marcus Bachmann again, and thus the circle of life is complete.”