Red Hot to Asshole in 30 Seconds

Once upon a time I thought this guy (who I used to follow on Instagram) was hot. Very hot. Then I came across a post where he went off about how he’s straight and put them up there “for the ladies” but goddamnit! his pictures were “stolen” and now showing up on gay sites, and people are assuming that he’s gay.

And it’s just not fair!

Let me explain this, since obviously you sir, are an idiot. Once you put something on the internet, it can—and will—go everywhere. If you originally post sexy pictures of yourself on Instagram (or wherever), they will be shared and eventually find their way into the hands of gay men who for the most part don’t give a shit about whether you’re gay or straight in real life but will nonetheless fantasize about doing hundreds of unspeakable, mutually pleasurable things with you based on those photos—and will then pass said photos on ad infinatum. Deal with it, and consider yourself lucky that people find you attractive at all considering how—despite your good looks—what an awful, insecure person your childish rant has revealed you to be.

And frankly, with all your whining, “The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.”

I’ve Given Up

I’ve given up on thinking that Apple’s Magic Mouse is ever going to work reliably with my MacBook Pro again. It’s just one of those things that’s broken and apparently can’t be fixed no matter how much Apple mucks around with it. While it worked flawlessly and the Bluetooth connection was rock solid under Snow Leopard, I can say with certainty that it hasn’t worked properly since Lion, and the problem has become insufferable since Mavericks. I keep hoping that with each new OS release/patch that the obvious bluetooth issues are going to go away, but nooooooo

At first I believed (based on what I’d read online) that the issue was the batteries flopping around in the battery compartment, causing the mouse to lose power for a moment and drop connectivity. Who knew at AA batteries weren’t all the exact same size? Sure enough, different brands did fit differently, but the issue never resolved itself no matter what brand I bought. Even when I gave up on AA cells completely and bought the rechargable Mobee power pack (which fit very snugly in the battery compartment of the mouse) it would still drop connection.

And by drop connection, I don’t mean that it would disconnect and reconnect a few seconds later. I mean it would disconnect, and the only way to get it talking to the laptop again would be a complete reboot. Until it happened the next time. Ad nauseum.

So when the Magic Mouse 2 with it’s integral rechargeable battery came out a few months ago, of course I jumped on it. And to be fair, the problem did clear up for the most part. But lately it’s come back and it’s as infuriating as ever.

(This problem happens even with a fresh, virgin load of the OS, so it’s not some other piece of software interfering with the functionality. And BTW, there are reams of discussion online regarding this issue.)

So why do I insist on sticking with the Magic Mouse? Because—ironically—while I hated how it felt in my hand when I first got one all those many years ago, I now prefer the ergonomics. I also like the inertial scrolling, which Apple only seems to make available with that particular model.

“So why are you using a mouse at all? Why aren’t you using the trackpad on your laptop?”

Because even with as excellent as the Apple trackpads are, I’ve used a mouse most of my adult life and far and away prefer it over the pad. I will use the trackpad if I’m away from a hard surface, but using a mouse is still my preferred method of moving around the screen.

I am SO Tired of Stupid

I mean seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?

This morning I was taking my usual route to work, going about five miles an hour over the speed limit in the center lane on the freeway.  All of a sudden I’m being tailgated by some asshole, even though the lanes on both side of me are clear. Even after the center lane became the far right lane, he stayed on my ass. Typical Denver driver, nothing to really spawn a blog post, until… he got off at my exit simply to flip me off, and then got back on the freeway.


I used to think Phoenix drivers were bad. Then I moved to Denver. Years ago I could go days if not weeks without seeing stupidity while on the road. Now I can’t go five minutes. The majority of people in this city are either high, not paying attention, or simply DO NOT KNOW where they fuck they’re going. “Oh, this lane turns into right turn only at the intersection. Maybe I should get over BEFORE I GET THERE.” No, because that’s too hard. Just come to a complete stop in the middle of that lane and block all the traffic behind you that actually does want to turn right in hopes that someone to your left will let you merge. (This happened not once, but twice in the span of about 100 feet on my way home from work last night.)

This illustrates my biggest gripe about life today: no one thinks ahead. Being taught pro-active thinking seems to have joined cursive  handwriting on the list of things no longer being taught to our children.

And while I’m on that subject…

I’m positive the stupidity,  self-centeredness and entitlement I’m seeing in society today can be directly attributed to the fact that during the 80s and 90s, schools stopped fostering excellence and exceptionalism, instead adopting the philosophy that all students should be rewarded equally; basically for showing up and breathing. “Everyone gets a gold star no matter what they did because we don’t want to hurt their self-esteem.” Fuck their self-esteem, teach them that one does not get ahead in life by simply showing up.

And so now we have 20- and 30-somethings thinking that no matter what they do, they’re entitled to special treatment and recognition simply because that’s all they’ve ever known. They don’t know how to think. Problem solving has become a lost art. That’s why they block traffic and expect to be allowed to merge when they suddenly find themselves in the wrong lane.

It’s also why—when the other contractor I’m working with runs across some software install instructions that have one or two steps missing or are no longer up to date—he grinds to a complete halt and sits there with a blank look on his face. It’s as if the whole concept of thinking creatively is unknown to him. I was given the same instructions he was, realized they weren’t accurate, and came up with a solution that allowed me to keep on working.

But back to traffic for a moment…

While I admittedly have not lived that many different places, the streets in the cities in which I have lived have all been laid out on a grid. Even the notoriously hilly San Francisco was built that way—resulting in some truly awesome inclines on certain streetsBut Denver? Oh hell no, and furthermore what. the. fuck?

From street names that change on a whim as you make your way across the metro area, to roads that curve for absolutely no reason whatsoever and stop lights that are timed in such a way that you spend more time with your foot on the brake than the accelerator, I’m convinced that traffic engineers in Denver have intentionally done everything in their power to restrict the flow of traffic, rather than facilitate it.

And then there’s this. And this. And this.

I could go on, but you get the idea. Is it just me? Is it just living in Denver? Or are we as a culture, truly headed toward Idiocracy?




I…I Just Can’t.

I swear Teh St00pid is spreading like an unchecked cancer  across this country.

Last Friday I received an email from a recruiter:

The Desktop Support Analyst will be responsible for providing a high level of PC hardware/software support for our local and remote clients in a Windows/MAC environment and for assisting with major PC related projects (rollout of a new application, hardware/software upgrades, integrations, etc.)

We are the world’s largest supplier of services, products, and solutions to industrial and commercial users of electronic components and enterprise computing solutions and growing by leaps and bounds!

 What you’ll be doing:

▪   Providing PC hardware and software support for our local and remote clients.

▪   Diagnosis of PC problems via phone, remote control of desktops or desk-side visit.

▪   Provide support for Mobile Device Technology (Blackberry, iPhone, iPad, etc).

What you need:

▪   Extensive hands-on experience troubleshooting and installing PCs, peripherals and applications.

▪   Minimum of 3 years’ experience supporting users via phone, remote control and desk side visits in a large multi-location corporate environment.

▪   Strong knowledge and experience with Windows 7, Windows XP, MS Outlook/Exchange, MS Office 2007

▪   Experience using remote-control software, software distribution tools (e.g. Symantec Altiris) and anti-virus & spyware tools..

▪   Experience upgrading PCs (memory, hard drive, data transfer, etc.)

▪   Maintain and update users PC asset information and experience supporting mobile device technology

▪   24×7 On-call technical support on a rotation basis and local travel when required (less than 10%)

Nice to have:

▪   5+ years supporting PC users in a multi-location corporate WAN environment with 3,000+ users.

▪   Microsoft or other technical certification or training.

▪   Bachelors degree in Computer Science, Information Technology or related discipline

▪   Experience with iOS and MacBooks

▪   Experience with encryption software such as McAfee Endpoint Encryption

What’s in it for you:

▪   Competitive salary and full benefits.
- Work with one of the top-ranked solutions companies in the country
- Unlimited opportunity for growth

If you feel like this would be a great fit for you, please apply today!  You’ll be glad you did!

Okay, this sounded exactly like what I’m looking for. The email had no direct link to “apply today!” so I sent the guy my latest resume.

This morning I received an email from him saying, “Please call immediately!”  Wow, I thought. This must be a hot job.

So I returned his call and it soon became apparent I was dealing with someone who wasn’t running on all cylinders. He asked how much I had been making at my last job and I told him. For the life of him, he could not understand how I could be a full-time, permanent W-2 employee with benefits who was paid hourly—all but calling me a liar for claiming so. Then he asked what I was making my job previous to that one (the one I’d worked at for seven years in Phoenix). Again, he COULD. NOT. BELIEVE. I was paid on an hourly basis.  “If you work 60 hours in a week, do you get paid for 60 hours?” YES, I said. I get paid 40 hours at my regular pay and then 20 hours of overtime at time and a half. So then I tried tossing out the terms Exempt and Non-Exempt. That didn’t register with him either.

This guy just didn’t get it, and from there the conversation went downhill. He asked why I wasn’t still working at my last position. I explained that because of the revolving door lack of leadership, too much was falling into my lap that I was unqualified for.

Because I got tired of dealing with idiots like you!

“So you were fired?”

“No, I quit.”

And his response, dripping with judgment, was, “Without something else lined up? Do you think that was a wise idea?”

I swear, this is not the kind of crap I needed first thing today. When I related this to my friend Michael, he said I should’ve responded to him with, “It was wiser than talking to you since you clearly don’t have a CLUE.”

Why don’t I think of this stuff while it’s happening?

Anyhow, he never asked about my experience or what I actually did at any of the places I worked. Totally fixated on the wage issue, he ended the conversation by saying asking what kind of money I was looking for, “Not hourly, but as an employee.”

I told him and he reluctantly said he would pass this information along to the hiring manager.

You do that, buddy. You do that.

Teh St00pid, it BURNS

At my last job, those of us in I.T. used to joke that the company hired by simply going out onto the street and asking random people if they wanted a job. This is because it was painfully obvious they were hiring folks who had no qualifications whatsoever.

Well, that’s nothing compared to the place I work for now—and I suppose it speaks more about me that I’ve chosen to remain there as long as I have instead of going somewhere else than it does about the quality of their candidates. I learned yesterday that in order to come work for us, not only do you not need any technical skills, apparently you don’t even need to know how to type! Seriously. The new hire (a concurrent review nurse) demanded a new keyboard because the letters had worn off the one at the workstation she was assigned to. “I can’t type if I can’t see the letters.” And then I watched in disbelief as she hunt-and-pecked her way into the system.


This came on the heels of them hiring—and then, less than a week later—firing an administrative assistant who came preloaded with an “I.T. is here to do my job” attitude and so incapable of actually doing the job that she didn’t even know how to schedule appointments in Outlook.

Seriously, how do these people even get in the door?

And while we’re on the subject of work (sorry, I need to vent, and I have no peers there that I trust enough to share this with), why is it that anyone with an “O” in their title such a flaming asshole?

With very few exceptions (most notably at my last job while working for the Health Plan), this has been the case everywhere I’ve worked, but it seems especially true at my present place of employment. I’ve never seen such a pampered, self-important group if ignorant, arrogant disagreeable assholes concentrated in a single building.

When the CEO (who reeks of alcohol every time I see him) went off on me yesterday for something I had absolutely no control over, I said that was enough. I smiled, nodded, and after he walked way, I flipped him off with both hands and immediately went on Monster to reactivate my profile and update my resume.

I’ve been doing this work long enough to know that I’m going to run into this kind of stupid no matter where I go; I suppose that’s the main reason I haven’t put more effort into finding another job. I think, “Why bother? Same shit, different company.” But yesterday pushed me over the edge. And as Ben pointed out to me after this happened, if I go somewhere else at least it will be a different stupid.

Never mind actually looking forward to going to work; all I want is to be able to wake up in the morning without my first thought being, “Well, what kind of assholery am I going to have to deal with at that place today?”

Is that asking so much?

Rant (NSFW)

Like I was overdue.

Am I the only one who finds the recent resurgence of animated gifs (thanks in no small part to Tumblr) horrific?  Especially when applied to porn?

I thought this format rightfully died and went to cyber hell in the 90s. I don’t mind it in small does (I’ve posted some on this blog), but now it seems it’s everywhere, 24/7 all day every day!


And while we’re on the subject of porn, why does so much gay porn remind me more of a gymnastics competition than sex?

Another pet peeve (and it’s not just limited to porn) is the overexposed effect:

I look at this and think, “Someone doesn’t know how to use a camera,” and “That would’ve been an awesome shot. Too bad he fucked it up.”

And don’t even get me started on bareback porn. Seriously guys? Have you not learned anything in the last 30 years? Or do you stupid, irresponsible, selfish fucks (and I’m referring to the producers and actors in this crap) just have a death wish?

Maybe I’m just getting old and cranky.

“You there! GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN!”

Teh St00pid, it Burns

I am getting exceedingly tired of the celebration and encouragement of ignorance in our culture.

Pride in one’s wanton ignorance is being worn as a badge of honor by the wingnuts on the far right, and that attitude seems to infiltrating society at an ever-increasing pace.

Like I have to actually tell anyone.

Need proof? Jersey Shore. Survivor. Justin Bieber. Michelle Bachman. Maggie Gallagher. Not enough? How about the entire fucking Republican presidential primary?

People, Idiocracy was meant to be a comedy, not a blueprint for our future. STOP IT.

I Used to Love to Drive

Sadly, that’s something else that living in Denver has stripped the joy out of. Between the weather, the never-ending string of potholes, and the absolute assholery displayed by drivers in this city, it’s almost gotten to the point where I loathe even getting in the car.

I used to think the streets in Phoenix were bad.  They’re smooth as glass compared to what I have to deal with on a daily basis here.

And much like my last commute in the Bay Area (San Francisco to Foster City), many mornings I now find myself asking, “Is this the day I die, or am horribly maimed—or my car destroyed—by some jerkwad weaving in and out between cars who thinks that even though traffic is moving 75 in a 65 zone, it’s still too slow, or by some ass putting on makeup or texting while driving?”

Yes, I have the option of taking public transit, and I’m doing that more and more often, but there are some days I either have to drive to work for whatever reason or I simply can’t bear the thought of having to get up a half hour earlier in order to get my ass on the bus/train and be to work on time.

And no matter how much I plan on taking transit on snow days, invariably the days I need to drive (like next week when I take the car back in for service) snow is predicted. Seriously. I can’t seem to catch a break.

I’m getting fucking tired of it.

Worst Customer Service EVER

I’m starting to understand why so many people say they hate their cell phone companies.

I’ve had Verizon service in one form or another for about two years, and except for having to jump through hoops to get my cell modem and iPhone put on a single account when I first got the iPhone, I really haven’t had any problem with them.

That is, until this week.

When I lived in Phoenix, I got decent 3G coverage from my cell modem and was happy with it. Since moving to Denver, however, it’s been next to useless. Since I’m locked into the contract on the modem for another six months and had to pay for it anyway, I sent it to my dad, hoping could get some use out of it (he was still on dial-up).

We started getting 4G mobile hotspots at work for several of our on-the-go users and I’ve been very impressed with the lil’ buggers. 4G service in Denver is excellent, so I finally broke down and ordered one online from Verizon a week ago to replace the cell modem. The device was free with a new 2-year contract, so it was kind of a no-brainer.

I’ve had to activate enough of the things by now to know it’s a very simple matter. That’s why I knew I was in trouble when I called the activation number and was immediately transferred to customer support.

Apparently they’d sent out a SIM card with a number that couldn’t be activated. The lame excuse I go from the rep was “Since we started selling the iPhone we’ve had a lot of bad numbers come across.” Really. REALLY?

He said he would overnight a new SIM card and made me go through the motions of accepting a new agreement.  That should have been the first red flag.

Yesterday I went online to check my balance and discovered that I now had four lines.  Not only did I have the expected lines for my iPhone and my 3G modem, I had two additional lines, one for the SIM card that couldn’t be activated as well as a fourth line for what I assumed was the new SIM that had yet to arrive.  (It turns out the rep lied or was flat out clueless. The card had been sent out two day Fedex, not overnight.)

The new SIM was waiting at home last night when I arrived.  Once again I called the number to activate, and once again was immediately transferred to customer service.

At that point, Ben took the phone from me and acted on my behalf, letting loose on the rep.  It’s a good thing he did; I might’ve had a stroke if I had to deal with the amount of outright stupid on the other end of the line that he did.

Apparently the jerk I’d spoken to two nights earlier didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.  What a surprise. In the land of Verizon, the SIM cards are (for whatever reason) tied to the devices they’re shipped with and the idiot didn’t know or didn’t care.  He should’ve sent out a new hotspot and SIM, not just a SIM.  Idiot. Ben was told that in order to clear this up, and get the extra lines removed from my account everything would have to be mailed back.  Again, the rep didn’t have a clue how to handle this other than to read from her script. We were getting nowhere.

At this point, I got on my cell and called the local Verizon store, asking them if they could sort out the mess.  They said it wouldn’t be a problem and to bring everything in.

After dinner we drove to the mall and got everything fixed. I left with a activated, working MiFi, and only one additional line on my account (as it was supposed to be from the beginning).

Lessons learned: never ever order anything from Verizon online. GO INTO THE STORE. Secondly, don’t ever bother with their phone support. It SUCKS.