I Wish I Believed in Hell

Stop worrying about Target’s bathrooms and start looking in your own damn churches, you motherfucking kiddie-fucking assholes!

From Towleroad:

TEXAS. Bureau of Investigation arrests two pastors for seeking sex with underage girls: “Jason Kennedy, 46, who held the role of children’s pastor at Grace Baptist Church in Knoxville, and Zubin Parakh, 32, who is listed as the creative pastor at LifeHouse Church, were both nabbed in the undercover investigation. According to a police report seen by WVLT Kennedy had agreed to pay $100 for a half hour with two girls, one of whom was 15. Kennedy faces patronizing prostitution and trafficking charges—and could land in prison for up to 60 years. Kennedy has lost his job at Grace Baptist Church as a result of the investigation.”

Say Hello to the Face of Hate Stupidity

From Towleroad:

Boise, Idaho-area couple Justin and Melanie Sease are driving around in a car painted with phrases like “HOMOSEXUALITY is a sin & a abomination”, “Just Say NO to Gay Marriage”, and “GOD’S NOT DEAD”. They say they’re speaking out for others who are afraid to do the same in light of the recent arrival of marriage equality in the state, and whine to KBOI that they’re being ridiculed for it:

2truck“We’ve had a few homosexual extremists who cuss us out and get very angry with us and threaten us.”

Why are they on a crusade?

Says Justin, who claims he’s “taking a stand for the Heavenly Father”:

“We can never accept public homosexuality. It’s wrong, and it’s wrong in God’s eyes first. He’s very clear in the Bible. The Bible says that when homosexuality is publicly accepted, basically it spreads like a cancer….This is kind our little way of protesting the homosexual extremist movement…”

Said Melanie:

“If nobody else is going to do it, why not start doing it. Hopefully, other people will join us and follow us and do what we’re doing.Most everyone who has seen our vehicles gives us a thumbs up, waves, smiles, or honks.”

Watch, here

I have a question for these “Christians:” why is it that their supposedly omniscient, all-powerful daddy-in-the-sky is so utterly and completely incapable of enforcing his supposed edicts by himself? Why does he always have to call upon the assistance of these yahoos who have barely three brain cells between them to do his bidding? In the old days this sky-fairy would supposedly have to do little more than sneeze and fire and brimstone would be raining down upon the unwashed, unworthy heathen before you could say, “Gesundheit!”

The only possible explanations I see are…

◆ Sky Daddy is—despite their pronouncements to the contrary—in fact, dead.

◆ Sky Daddy doesn’t exist—and never has.

◆ Sky Daddy is alive and well and is either perfectly okay with gay marriage—or has in fact moved on to watching over much more interesting creatures than Homo sapiens.

…none of which fit too well into this couple’s narrow, self-centered, bigoted view of the universe.

Seriously…can you imagine spending eternity with these people?

Coca Cola is About Ten Minutes Away From Their Very Own Coors Beer Moment

Towleroad reports that Coca-Cola has fauxpologized for the social media campaign created by its South African division. When users attempted to add the word “gay” to their image of a Coke can, the very snarky response they received was “Oops, let’s pretend you didn’t just type that.”

Coke’s statement:

“We are aware that the Share a Coke promotion we are running in South Africa has generated an unintended outcome. [Yeah, it was highjacked to point out social injustice, much the same way Chevy’s campaign was back in the early 2000s.] We apologise for any offence caused. The Share a Coke programme was created to allow consumers to take the iconic “Coca-Cola” script and replace it with their name on the can. In South Africa, the digital version of the Share a Coke promotion did not properly limit the customisation to individuals’ names. We’ve taken down the site and are in the process of revising the digital tool immediately…As one of the world’s most inclusive brands, we value and celebrate diversity. We have long been a strong supporter of the LGBT community and have advocated for inclusion, equality and diversity through both our policies and practices. Again we apologise for any offense this has caused.”

In other words, “in the process of revising the digital tool” means “we’re going to make sure the filters catch ALL the possibly icky words you filthy homos might try and use to disrupt our ad campaign.”

Fuck Coca Cola. Anyone remember what happened to Coors beer back in the 80s? There are gay bars that still won’t serve the swill…

See This, BSA? This is Why No One Likes You

Douchebags.

From ARS Technica:

In August, a small Oakland-based kids’ group called the Hacker Scouts received a letter from none other than the Boy Scouts of America. The letter insisted—to the group leaders’ disbelief—that the term “scouts” is trademarked to the BSA via a 1919 Congressional charter (the charter extends to select other groups, like the Girl Scouts, as well). The BSA demanded that Hacker Scouts change its name or face legal ramifications.

At the time, Hacker Scouts said it would decide how to respond “based on advice from our lawyers and our own sense of duty.”

But last week, the BSA sent a second letter to the Hacker Scouts leaders. As Hacker Scouts cofounder Samantha Matalone Cook wrote on the group’s site: “[W]e have received another letter from the BSA refusing to compromise or consider a licensing agreement and reaffirming their demand that we change our name or they will take legal action.”

As Hacker Scouts Director of Guild Development and co-founder Garratt Gallagher told Ars in an e-mail, the group has decided to change its name rather than face litigation. “Hacker Scouts is focusing its efforts on its primary mission: educating kids,” wrote Gallagher.

(more)

Someone Call the Whaaaaaambulance!

From Joe.My.God.:

During his daily show on Christian radio, today hate group leader Tony Perkins asked his listeners to join NOM’s hilariously failed boycott of General Mills.  Because Betty Crocker is a homo-loving purveyor of anti-Christian cake mix.

At Betty Crocker, the only thing they’re mixing up is their priorities. Hi, I’m Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council in Washington, D.C. If you ask conservatives, Betty Crocker’s latest promotion is a recipe for disaster. This summer, the famous dessert line decided to jump on the same-sex “marriage” bandwagon-and bring cakes to celebrate. In Minnesota, where parent company General Mills is headquartered, Betty Crocker decided to donate wedding cakes to the first homosexual couples who exchanged vows on the first day that counterfeit marriage was legal. “Betty celebrates all families,” said manager Laura Forero. “We don’t want to be old fashioned,” the company explained. Unfortunately for General Mills, the majority of Americans think natural marriage is anything but old fashioned. And they’ve made it tough on companies like Target, Starbucks, and JC Penney who disagree. Know where your money is going. When you’re at the store, think outside the Betty Crocker box! For a full list of products that are undermining marriage, check out DumpGeneralMills.com.

REMINDER: When anti-gay Christianist hate groups call for nationwide boycotts of LGBT-friendly companies, that is a righteous use of the free market in order to preserve morality, marriage, family, and The American Way. But when GAY groups use or threaten the use of a boycott, THAT is homofascist intimidation, intolerance, bullying, and a “mafia-style” attempt to deny the freedom of speech. (Hello, Oregon!) Just so we’re clear.

The Centurion Shall Not Be Mocked!

Another Day, Another Butthurt Christian

You thought you’d get a break from teh st00pid after the Mayan Apocalypse came and went without winged beasts marauding our cities or fleets of UFOs attacking from space, right? Guess again dear readers, and get ready to reboard the crazy train. Apparently the folks over at a well known right-wing wacko website have their already over-tight panties in a twist because in their fevered minds, CBS is mocking has-been footballer Tim Tiebow, Jeebus’s chosen emissary on earth (and by extension, all of Christianity) by running an ad for the Super Bowl featuring outspoken homosexual actor Neil Patrick Harris.

Apparently because Mr. Harris has the date of the game, “Feb 3” and “2013” on his eyeblack, this is somehow mocking Tiebow, who felt the need to put bible verses under his eyes (perhaps as a reminder to not grope grab other players’ asses too tightly).

I have several friends who consider themselves Christians. These friends are not, however, the foaming-at-the-mouth “I’m being persecuted for my faith!” type who seem to find offense at every turn in modern society. No, these friends are who I consider “good” Christians, people who quietly live their lives, personally practicing their faith without feeling the need to shove their belief system down the throat of everyone they encounter. I respect their right to believe; they respect my right not to.

Perhaps if more of these publicly butthurt whiners like the ones finding offense at this Super Bowl ad would spend more time actually practicing the words of their savior (y’know, doing good works, feeding the poor, loving their neighbors, etc.) and less time playing the martyr while trying to make their faith the law of the land, the rest of society might take a more favorable view of them.

In other words, they need to get a life.

Douchebag!

I’ve gone from simply disliking Romney to actively loathing him.

Mitt Romney was asked by FOX News anchor Bret Baier about his failure to mention or praise the troops in his speech at the Republican National Convention.

Answered Romney:

“When you give a speech you don’t go through a laundry list, you talk about the things you think are important.”

Romney adds that he did talk about his commitment to a strong military (“He plans to increase military spending by $2.1 trillion over the next ten year,”Think Progress notes): “I didn’t use the word troops. I used the word military. I think they refer to the same thing.”

Uh…no they don’t, Mittens. It’s the same difference between a corporation and the people who work for it. But then again, you don’t see the difference there either.

Asshole.

 

Stay Classy

“We’ve given all you people need to know.” ~ Ann Romney, nasty cunt and wanna-be First Lady on ABC America this morning.

Douchebag of the Day

So Porno Pete LaBarbera (the guy who trawls the Folsom Street Fair and other gay gatherings to capture photos for his “research” and self-proclaimed leader of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality) is flapping his jowls again—in between going down on rent boys—this time at a Hate conference in Spain:

“Simply put, we as a movement must conquer whatever timidity, fear and political correctness we have in NOT wanting to debate the morality of homosexuality–because our fanatically driven LGBT opponents will never relent in their audacious campaign ‘sell’ homosexuality to the public. Notice that while many conservatives shrink from the homosexuality debate, self-described ‘queer’ activists never back-track in their misguided, indeed, pathological quest to compel society to approve of their aberrant ‘lifestyles.'”

Hey Petey Boy…lets try putting that sequined pump on the other foot:

“Simply put, we as a movement must conquer whatever timidity, fear and political correctness we have in NOT wanting to debate the morality of Christianism –because our fanatically driven ‘Christian’ opponents will never relent in their audacious campaign ‘sell’ Christianity to the public. Notice that while many progressives shrink from the Christianity debate, self-described ‘pro-family’ activists never back-track in their misguided, indeed, pathological quest to compel society to approve of their aberrant ‘religious freedom.’

How does that feel going down, Petey Boy? Probably not as good as those Spanish rent boys…

(That you’re totally doing for research purposes, of course.)

Dude, we get it. You hate us. You really, really hate us. So stop wrapping your hate in the trappings of Christian Love® and just say it. At least then you’d be telling the truth.

In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t the 1950s, where Negros moved to the back of the bus, a woman’s place was barefoot and pregnant, and filthy homos were beaten with impunity, extorted, and made to cower in the darkness. The Millennial Generation doesn’t care who loves who, and they see your bald-faced bigotry for what it is: psychological projection of your own inner desires that you can’t reconcile with your all-consuming self-hatred. Every time you open your mouth and start spouting off about sin and the impending destruction of Western Civilization because of the acceptance of homosexuality, you’re moving one step closer to total irrelevance and announcing to the world that you are, in fact, one big self-hating homo.

You and your little band of “culture warriors” have already lost the war. Give up and surrender.

Boo Fucking Hoo

“You lie awake at night worrying about what will disrupt your business model. Apple iMessage is a classic example. If you’re using iMessage, you’re not using one of our messaging services, right? That’s disruptive to our messaging revenue stream.” ~ AT&T CEO Randall Stephenson

Maybe you just need to start charging the government more for wiretapping our electronic communications without warrants, Douchebag.

Some People Just Need To Be Bitch Slapped

Like the See-You-Next-Tuesday who walked into our local Starbucks with a cell phone glued to her ear a few minutes ago; the one who didn’t even pause her conversation long enough to give her order to the barista. I’ve really got to hand it to the folks who work here—they have the patience of angels to put up with the overinflated egos and rudeness of some of the people who frequent this place.

NO FOAM!

I did a brief stint in the retail world back in my early 20s, but I don’t think I could do it again today. I just don’t have the patience to put up with the people who think they’re a gift to humanity. I would’ve told the bitch I wasn’t going to serve her until she put down her phone and would’ve probably gotten promptly fired for it.

And because no one besides government offices and banks can apparently get away with actually doing that, it’s the reason this type of behavior is tolerated.

Hypocrisy, Thy Name is Republican

And the hits just keep on coming.

From addictinginfo.org:

Georgia Republican Who Wanted Drug Testing For Welfare Recipients Gets DUI

The do as we say, most certainly not as we do party struck again, and this level hypocrisy might just shift the tectonic plates and reveal a whole new world for the rational among us (or whatever is left).

Rep. Kip Smith, the Georgian Republican sponsor of Georgia House Bill 464, which would “require random drug testing” for citizens on public assistance, found himself drunker than Lindsey Lohan (only ugly and with no talent) and apparently was arrested friday morning on a DUI.

From the The Atlanta Journal Constitution:

Smith, whose given name is John Andrew Smith, first told the officer he had not consumed any alcoholic beverages.

“I asked him again, and he stated he had consumed a single beer at Hal’s. I noticed also that Mr. Smith’s eyes were watery, and I asked him to exit the vehicle, which he did,” Kramer said in the report.

Smith told the officer he’d had the beer 45 minutes earlier, and the officer asked him to blow into a hand-held “intoximeter”. The officer said the lawmaker refused, stating he would prefer to go to a clinic or the hospital to get tested.

The officer said Smith finally agreed to blow into the device. The report stated that Smith blew a .091., which is above the legal limit of .08.

So it would seem that Drunky McHypocrite should either abdicate his congressional salary or not receive one penny until he completes treatment and is full compliance with all after-care plans. I would suggest requiring mandatory drug-testing for members of Congress, but then there might be a government shutdown due to a lack of quorum.

Dear Governor Douchebag…

It’s called free speech. If you don’t like it, perhaps renouncing your American citizenship and accepting a position with the Chinese government might better suit you.

I’ll bet if you peeled its skin back you’d find one of these underneath.

Why is it always the fucking Republicans who have no concept of—and utter contempt for—the principles upon which this country was founded?!?