Staring Us In The Face?

Okay, bear with me on this one.

The other day I had a whole lot of down time at work, so I fired up Google Earth and started looking around. I will admit that prior to this I had been on some NASA or JPL site looking at Pluto or Mars and the obviously catastrophic geological history of both those planets, noting in particular how it seems that something large collided with Pluto at some point in its history.

As the globe in Google Earth was rotating into view, there it was; something I’d looked at a hundred times but never really saw: what looked a humungous, heavily eroded impact crater encompassing northeast Arizona, southeast Utah, northwest New Mexico, and the southeast corner of Colorado.

Okay, so I’m sure that geologists will tell me it’s nothing and that if something that big ever hit the earth it would not just be an extinction level event, but a planet-r/ending one as well, but look at how the mountain ranges seem to form a ring around the valley. That area was also extremely active volcanically at one time (not surprising if something big hit—or skimmed off the planet), so my community-college level of understanding of geology kicked in and made a connection that undoubtedly isn’t there.

The basin—if it is a basin—is not perfectly circular, so if it’s the result of an object coming in in, it came in at an angle, and that’s why I’m suggesting it wasn’t so much as an impact but a mere grazing.

Yeah, I’m know instinctively that it’s nothing beyond fodder for my imagination, and I come off sounding like one of those guys who see broken pottery, machinery and tiny humans on the photos beamed back from the Mars rovers, but I have no plans to make any 30 minute videos to back up my proposition. That being said, it’s still fun to contemplate, since there is still so much we don’t know about the history of our planet and our universe…

Plus it gets my mind off politics for a while, and today I can really use some “intellectual” escapism.

I Dreamt About The Doctor Last Night

I don’t remember which Doctor and I don’t remember whether I was a participant or merely an observer, but the gist of the dream was that The Doctor had done something impossible (as usual) to save someone/something/some planet, and in so doing placed the entire Universe in jeopardy. In the process, he ended up with two identical Tardises (Tardii?) and the only way he could make things right again was to learn whether space and time or space or time were indeed infinite.

To do this, he set each Tardis to explode if they discovered either one (or both) was finite and sent them on their way.

It turned out that time was infinite, but not space.

10 Ways To Not Piss Off Your I.T. Staff

And believe me, next to pissing off Payroll, pissing off I.T. is the dumbest thing you can do at work. Trust me. We can make your life a living hell.

1. Be Prepared.
One of the things that i was always taught as a kid was to be prepared. This includes being prepared when you call support. There is always a couple of routine questions that are asked,

What workstation are you using?
What printer is having issues?

Nothing pisses of support quicker than waiting around while you try to find information that you knew you would need.

2. Don’t be belligerent.
We don’t try to be rude, but 9 times out of 10 we have a dozen other things going, at least 6 of which are more important than your icons moving around. If we get short, it’s because you are wasting our time, or we have something better to do.

3. Understand that we are busy.
Unless you sign the paycheck, we will not drop whatever we are doing to make your Pandora radio play. We will get to it as soon as possible.

4. Don’t submit a ticket, email to make sure we got it, and then call to make sure we saw your email.
The system works, trust us. If it doesn’t we will let you know.

5. Don’t try to tell us how to answer your own question.
If you know better than we do then why did you bother asking?
If we don’t know the answer we will tell you.

6. If you have a problem tell us.
It is really tough, borderline impossible, to fix issues that we don’t know about.

Don’t bitch about it behind our backs. W don’t like hearing about things through the grapevine.

7. Answer any questions that are asked.
When we respond to your ticket with a question, it’s because we need to know more to help you, not because we like playing 20 questions. It’s also likely that you missed #1 above. And, if you ignore us, we can’t help you

Responding with “I just want it to work” * cough* CEOs * cough* is not going to help.

8. Don’t ambush us.
Just because we are walking by doesn’t mean we’re twiddling our thumbs, looking for something to do—more often than not, we’re on our way to do something. In fact, we usually will forget what you tell us fixing whatever we’re on our way to work on…

9. Don’t lie to us.
We’ll find out that you dumped your entire cup of coffee in your keyboard one way or another. Just tell us everything up front. It will save both of us a lot of time.

10. For managers: Don’t micro-manage.
Chances are we know what we are doing better than you do. It will be documented next time we have a second, and though it may not make sense you, it will make sense to another technical individual.


The First Time

Nearly half a century later I remember it as if it happened yesterday. Fourth grade, alone in my room as was often the case. Where was my mom? Probably in the kitchen. Where was my sister? Outside the in the back yard or watching television in the family room; details elusive and unimportant.

It had stood up on its own unbidden before; many times in fact. The first time I recall it happening I was only three or four years old, and scrambled to explain to my father why I was naked and sprawled out of the floor, rubbing my body against the rough carpet. “I was looking for something under the bed,” was the remembered excuse. But this time it was different; it demanded attention and could not be ignored.

I slipped my pants off, climbed onto the bed and on all fours, straddling the fuzzy faux leopard-skin pillow that had adorned it for many years, started rubbing against it. I thought of the how the new P.E. coach’s nipples prominently showed through his too-tight T-shirts and his chest hair poked out at the neckline. I thought about the man’s bushy mustache and his fresh-out-of-the-Marines high-n-tight buzzcut. As I rhythmically rubbed against the pillow and thought of these things, it felt good. Too good. Suddenly my body was wracked with convulsions; I felt like I was going to piss. The pleasure centers in my brain exploded and I scrambled for my shorts, hoping to stem the flow long enough to get them back on and down the hall into the bathroom before everything was wet. But then it was over. No stream of urine; in fact, nothing at all.

Of course, that would soon change as the days progressed and that urge returned again and again. Quickly I realized that while the initial rush was similar to the feeling of emptying my bladder it was only because I’d had nothing else prior to compare it to; in actuality it very different. And when I realized I wasn’t going to wet everything, I was actually able to enjoy the feeling.  The first time the milky fluid came spraying out—as I stood naked in front of the hall mirror rubbing the pillow against my crotch (where was my mother?)—I thought I’d broken something, yet it did nothing to prevent me from doing it again.

“Why did you take that pillow into the bathroom with you?” my mother eventually asked. “It smells. I want to throw it in the washer but I had to pee first,” I’d respond.

Soon I discovered I could wrap my hand around it and achieve the same result, giving that poor pillow a much-needed respite from the washing machine.

One day I captured some of the milky fluid onto a glass slide and put it under the microscope I’d gotten for Christmas the year before. Slowly the little squiggling things came into focus, confirming what I’d been surreptitiously researching. Nothing was broken.

And so it began—and the Sears catalog was never looked at the same way again.

Quote of the Day

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…

“But let’s get serious, let’s get journalistic for one second: fuck this evil lying fuckstick coward, his evil lying fucking press conference, his evil lying fucking lobby, and every expensive fucking car their whole flock of fucksticks fucked in on. “It’s literally everyone’s fault except ours,” says this useless foreskin of a person, this mass child-murderer by proxy, sanctimoniously lecturing all of us about “responsibility” with such mind-boggling gutless hypocrisy that it makes you want to peel your entire skin off and mail it to him with the middle finger propped upright forever. “Every school in America should have an armed guard, duh huh hruur rfugnh. [Finger guns, dancing].” –This motherfucker, this fungus on the taint of America, who is either the dumbest ignorant sack of pus who ever lived OR the literal devil. “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun,” says this amoral piece of turd, neatly sidestepping “or not giving the bad guy a fucking SEMIAUTOMATIC ASSAULT WEAPON.” This mercenary limpdick fuck. This sandwich bag of dog shit. Fuck Wayne LaPierre. Fuck this evil, evil fucking person.” ~ Sashayed, who posted this wonderful rant in 2012!